I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
