college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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