The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
