Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
