I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
