Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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