I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
As shirtless as possible
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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