Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
