This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
