Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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