i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
