Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
