I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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