this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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