I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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