I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
