we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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