something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize