I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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