Three words: puerto rican gang bang
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We just shotgunned beers for America
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
