Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
