I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
this just has baby written all over it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
