She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
