I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize