I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
