Kiss
Puke
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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