Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
