So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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