Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
