ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
