Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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