I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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