Your tits are I can't wait for
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
