I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize