i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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