I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
