didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
