I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize