I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
