Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
