On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
