It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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