Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bring me that man meat
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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