Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
