I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
