if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This show inspires me to have sex in space
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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