Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize