dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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