Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
