You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
