I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
