nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
