The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
