remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
