Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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