I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
