He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
