woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We have started to decorate penises.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
