Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
