Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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