Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
