dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
