Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
