Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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