I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize