If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
