I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize