You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
